


Beautiful Pain

by momiji_neyuki, Toxic_Angel



Series: The Shadow Side [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anger, Drugs, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Drinking, Loss, Nostalgia, Regret, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momiji_neyuki/pseuds/momiji_neyuki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toxic_Angel/pseuds/Toxic_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>Your life was a shooting star that burned out way too fast</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> As you know I like to try different things and get inspired in random Ways. This time I was inspired by Andy Black's new album "The Shadow Side". If you have not listened to it yet, please do, it is fucking phenomenal and no, not just cause Gee and Mikey did a song on it. Actually that it is the song I like least on the album...yeah i said it, fight me. ^0^
> 
> AnyWay, I was listening to one of the songs, Break Your Halo, and I said to my Beta _***Toxic_Angel***_ , "This could be a fic!" I was set to write it as a bitter sweet one shot. Then while I was working out today I decided to listen to the whole album during my reps set and started to hear other songs that would work to. By the time my work out was over, I had a whole series figured out with Toxic. ^-^
> 
> So here it is, the first in my **The Shadow Side** series. I chose ten songs off the album and they will all be one shots. They follow the story of Gerard and Frank. Before they met, the relationship, and future. That's all I'm going to say...oh and there will be no steamy sex scenes. Like I said bitter sweet. ^-^
> 
> Please enjoy the first in the series, **Beautiful Pain**
> 
> Title of fic taken from Beautiful Pain ~ Andy Black

”Frankie.”

”I’m here.”

Frank knelt at her bedside. He wished he could take the pain away but he knew nothing would help. The drugs stopped working months ago and so did the hospital stays. She wanted to be home. Now she was living on borrowed time.

”I’m cold.”

Frank climbed into the bed with her and carefully held her in his arms. He could feel her bones and her brittle paper like skin. It was all so unfair. She was too young. She had yet to live her life… their life.

”I wish I could have made you happier. I wish I could have…”

”Stop that now. I am happy with you. I have been happy with the time we had together.”

But he wanted more. He was selfish and wanted to turn back time to the first time she coughed. He wanted to insist that she go to the doctor and not brush it off as a little cold. How wrong they both had been.

*Cough cough cough Wheeze*

”Easy, baby, easy.”

But the coughing didn’t stop. She bent over clutching her stomach. Frank felt something wet on his hand, he looked down and saw blood.

”Baby, no!”

She continued to cough and Frank pulled her into his lap. He held her through the convulsions.

”Baby, please please don’t leave me!”

”Fr-r-r-r-rank-k-kie.”

She coughed again and then fell silent. Frank could feel the moment her spirit left her body. He held her a few more minutes and then he went to make the phone call.

*

*

*

**Your life was a shooting star**

**That burned out way too fast**

**And all the memories**

**Of a dream that's built to last**

The wake felt so surreal. He barely remembered everyone walking up to him and shaking his hand and hugging him. And people giving their condolences.

”We are sorry for your loss.”

”She was so young.”

”She’s in a better place now.”

”The pain is gone.”

”Uh… can I get my gift back since you aren’t getting married now?”

**Don't wanna wait, wanna wait, wanna wait**

**For my next panic attack, no**

Frank didn’t remember them pulling him off the guy. He didn’t remember breaking his nose with his fist. He was spitting obscenities and started to foam at the mouth they said.

**Don't wanna wait, wanna wait, wanna wait**

**For my next crash**

Someone brought him outside. They said he was crying. They said he was hyperventilating. Frank remembered none of this.

**It's a beautiful pain**

**It's a beautiful pain**

**When I remember the good times**

**When I remember the good**

He didn’t remember the ride to the funeral. The beautiful things that were said about her. The singer praising God and sending her to rest. He didn’t remember the lowering of her casket. He didn’t remember being led away from the grave that dirt was being thrown on.

**It's a beautiful pain**

**It's a beautiful pain**

**When I let go of the heartache**

**When I let go of your heart**

They said he ate at the after party. They said he drank the wine. They said he drank too much. He didn’t remember how he got home. He didn’t remember who brought him home. What he did remember was that he got angry.

_***Time Stamp: Six Months Later***_

”Look we understand your situation, Mr. Iero, but your behavior was inexcusable. Now due to the nature of your situation, we have agreed to keep you on as an online consultant. You can thank Mr. Davenport for that and your years of loyal service to the company. We know that losing your fiancé was hard on you. We do urge you to seek help though for your anger issues.”

Frank didn’t hear anything other than that he was not fired. He packed up his desk and headed home. They said that a laptop from the company would arrive in a few days. Meanwhile he was given the week off. Frank went home.

**All the times that I keep holding onto**

**Even though you're gone**

Frank sat on the couch with the bottle of Jack, staring at her picture. It was taken when they went horseback riding on the beach. He laughed at how cliché it sounded.

_”Wait… first I need to grow my hair out and dye it blonde, and you need to put on a white lace dress and wait for me on the beach in the spray, so I can ride my horse through it and scoop you up into my arms.”_

_”Frankie, if you tried to do that with your short ass arms, you would fall off the horse.”_

_”Yeah, but at least I would fall for you again.”_

_He smiled and she laughed and kissed him._

Frank smiled and cried at the memory as he tipped the bottle back.

*

*

*

**And the nights that I keep holding back the tears**

**I hope you found what you're looking for**

He woke up crying again with his pillow soaked with tears. He cursed and hit himself for being so weak. 'Weakness gets you nothing. You have to be strong and make yourself not feel. Harden your heart.’ He yelled at himself. He changed the pillowcase and then he went back to bed.

**I pray that you're happy now**

**You're never looking back**

**Rest with the angels now**

**The heavens gains your laugh**

_***Time Stamp: One Year Later***_

”Hey, Frankie, don’t you think that you should take off the ring now?”

”Yeah, you’ll never meet anyone new if you keep carrying her ghost around with you.”

**Don't wanna wait, wanna wait, wanna wait**

**Cause you're never coming back, no**

”Yeah you guys are right, but I don’t know. I just can’t let go.”

”I got something that will help you let go.”

Frank doesn’t remember when he took off the ring. He doesn’t remember when he finally took her side of the closet down. But Frank does remember when he first tried cocaine.

**Don't wanna wait, wanna wait, wanna wait**

**For the last dance**

The first time he almost OD'ed it scared the shit out of him. The blood poured from his nose and he couldn’t stop it. He fell back convulsing and thought that he was finally going to see her again… but he woke up the next morning just feeling like shit. It still didn’t stop him from doing another line before he took his morning piss.


End file.
